2009/2010 Semester 1 Review

Blogging in the middle of the night, at 2.00am to be exact, is not exactly an orthodox thing to do but i guess tonight is yet another turning point in my university year. I can now leave academic matters of Year 2 Sem 1 behind me and set my thoughts to the forthcoming semester. I have just completed my last caroling session for the year a few hours back. I am also set to go back home after 6 months in Singapore. Back home, I would have the chance to re-established the long estranged ties with the place where I am born and raised.

It is hard to believe how the feeling of anxiety and apprehension would quickly turn into that of calm and tranquility in a matter of seconds. Nonetheless, this is the case when it comes to checking the exam result online. I must say I have done pretty well for the this semester befitting the amount of work I have put in trying to understand, memorise and apply the obscure knowledge of the higher academia. There are more A+s than ever to carve a smile on my face and the only "flaw" is an A-, which I don't really give a damn. It is so weird to be so fascinated with chemistry and do worst for it as compared to other subjects. Even so, what is the CAP but a few digits that would matter less and less over the years as compared to the memories of friends and knowledge you gain in university?

As a post-exam exercise, I find it rather important to review the modules I have taken for far.

CN2121

A wonderful module to take since I learn a lot about thermodynamics in a practical sense. Who would know that the amount of heat liberated when sulphuric acid is added to water follows a parabolic curve? Do you know that the engine and the heat pump are identical except that the the reverse direction is followed by the working fluid in the thermodynamic diagram? On a different note, I thought I screwed up in the final paper for not attempting some of the questions correctly. Then Esha told me that it doesn't matter what grade I get in the end, rather it is the intellectual fulfillment attained upon completion of the module. Both lecturers (Dr Jiang Jia Wen and Dr Lanry Yung) are dedicated teachers, a rare gem in the academic environment of NUS.

CN2122

Many consider this a bane but I can't understand why people cannot view the beauty of Fluid Mechanics. Lets face it: we deal with fluid all the time. Ranging from rain collecting and draining through the gutter to tap water pumped to our house as a modern convenience to the drag you feel when swimming in the pool, fluid mechanics is practically everywhere!!! At first, I could only swallow senselessly the content taught but over time, I have begun to savour the different "flavours" intrinsic in the subject. I now know that fluid friction in a pipe can be modeled and calculated with ease by the human brain (with the help of a calculator of course!!) I also appreciate the significance of the different flows of fluid under different velocity, pipe roughness etc since these determines how much energy should be put in to pump the water. Exam paper is quite tricky but when deconstructed with the appropriate knowledge tool, it is pretty straighforward.

XD3103

This is another fun module to take. Admittedly, the content covered is enormous as one has speed through the Physical, Chemical and Geological aspects of the Planet Earth. In my opinion, Dr Grahame J.H. Oliver is very knowledgeable and experienced in the field of geology. I can almost imagine him doing hands-on work on the minerals, rocks and minerals as he lectures on these topics. Although he seems outwardly unapproachable, i think he is a nice person to talk to (professionally of course). As for the final exam, it is certainly more difficult than last year. Honestly, I was surprised at my results especially when I thought I wrote two short and scanty essays in 30 minutes.

GE2229

Ah, Water and the Environment... the mention of such fluid element evokes a sense of peace and tranquility reminiscent of a silent flowing stream in an ancient forest. Think again. Although the content is comparatively little, the questions set are terrifically tricky and would squeeze every drop of your brain juice out. Nonetheless, the practicals are very enjoyable especially the one on water quality. Apparently, one group did a study on toilet flushing water and found it comparable to the quality of NEWater. Interesting...

CM1501

Chemistry is supposed to be my forte but I have done worst in it. Anyway, as previously mentioned, I don't give a shit even if I don't get an A+ as I have gotten for other modules this sem. I work hard. I get what I deserve. How self consoling... Anyway, organic chemistry is certainly more interesting than physical chemistry. I like to learn learn how one organic compounds can be transformed into another with the mere addition of a reagent or a tweaking change in the system conditions. Then, there is so much fun in linking many compounds together in an intricate web of reactions. It may sound a mouthful but that is the way chemistry should be appreciated - a modern alchemy of matter transformation.

Bleh... it is three already. I needa wake up early later at 7, have breakfast and leave NUS at 8. Thank you RH Choir and NUS Choir for making my holiday a wonderful experience!!!

(Some) Bloggers These Days

I was reading through a few blogs when i stumbled upon two threads which link all the authors of the blogs:-

a) They are self-centred

b) They are hopelessly prone to self-justification.

The first thread is perhaps what makes these blogs interesting. Blogs are these amazing conduit through which the thought and behaviour of the bloggers can be deciphered. Most can't stop complaining about their "dreadful" lives when there are more unfortunate people who lack nutrition or education or freedom.

I am not sure whether it is right to say that the urban society is inherently insular. Nonetheless, John told me that the urban individual is less likely to be aware of and help other people compared to rural individual because there are simply too many "distractions" in the fast-paced city life. I can't help but hypothesize that one of these distractions may include being distracted with the self. High expectation, stiff competition and the thin margin between failure and success are responsible for the high stress level but could this be extended to explain self-centredness?

The second thread is somehow more subtle. When we were much youngers, mistakes were part and parcel of childhood. We have done something wrong and therefore receive retribution. With age comes egoism and the belief (whether justified or not) that we are sufficiently enlightened to argue against the perceived "wrong". When things don't go our way, most of us complain thinking that by doing so, we would feel better after such self-justification.

Strangely, it is not difficult to spot that people often complain about the same thing over and over again. Is it because they have not found the solution to the problem? Or are they just wallowing in their muddy pool of pain, hoping for the rain of sympathy to wash all the sludge away?

I strongly believe in blog as a personal space where one can write down outrageously creative ideas that just pop up in the head. I believe that it is an avenue for self reflection i.e. to review what has been done so far and what more could be done. Certainly, the role of a blog extends beyond complaining.

Before I go further, I should probably slap myself twice. Who am I to stop people from exercising their freedom of speech? Am I supposed to justify myself here and now? Probably not....

The Voice: Part 2

I know I should be feverishly rushing my studies in preparation for the mid-terms but I really want to revisit the topic regarding my voice.

I guess it has been a full one year since the revelation that I am a countertenor. Armed with an unusually strong falsetto, which requires little exertion to execute, I am able to reach notes far beyond the reach of most mature men. Nonetheless, I am still new to this mode of singing and there are much more knowledge and experience to be garnered in my training.

Since then, I have been trying to sing different songs catered to women and boy sopranos, and have discovered a great deal of weaknesses and deficiencies which I hope to surpass one day. As mentioned earlier, there is still much to learn and improve on when it comes to my "other" voice.

The chorale experiences in both RH and NUS Choirs have been enriching. I have learnt a great deal and met some people of my kind, who are evidently more skilled and beautiful in their singing.

I have read somewhere that being a countertenor is conscious choice. I can choose between singing in my baritone to low tenor modal voice or in my soprano upper range. I do admit that it is more comfortable to sing in the latter than the former since I somehow do not strain my throat so much. This really sounds almost contradictory because the opposite case is true for most guys.

If some of you have not known, the countertenor voices are very diverse. Some sound like men, while other can imitate a woman's voice so flawlessly, in which case, I would gladly refer to the Youtube star, Nick Pitera. I recall my NUS Choir senior telling me that I sound like an immature boy. I am not sure whether this is a good or not but well, I will accept God's gift with an open, loving heart.

I also recall that there is a social stigma against countertenors, who are perceived as social oddities, to the extent of being labelled as gays and transsexuals. I have been labelled a homosexual simply because I have belted out a screeching, high note in the presence of a few ignorant individuals. Partly, they ought not to be blamed as their perception may be conditioned by the social disapproval of countertenors. Such stigma is less pronounced in Europe, where the countertenor tradition is better established. In Asia however, we are in danger of taunts and ridicule.

What is it, really, about our high voices which sparks revulsion in some hearts? We are very much like any men, complete with the necessary sexual characteristic which defines our sex. In no way are we rendered impotent, either by nature or by the act of castrations. We are not castratos of the bygone era, who have given up their manhood to sing like angels. Admittedly, we do not equal them in breath power but we do seek to revive some of their songs in honour of their unique vocal identity. Additionally, there is a diversity of voices among countertenors as previously mentioned. If the high voice itself is a satisfactory reason to engender ridicule for our kind, I feel that the society is indeed in a sorry state.

I am still an amateur in the singing art of countertenor. Nonetheless, I do look forward to do better and play a part in perpetuating this singing tradition.

Semester 1 Interim Review

When I was young, I used to wish everyday that I would grow up quickly so that I could do things that Mum forbade me from doing as a child. Harking back to the past, I now realise how wonderful childhood has been to me. The innocence, naivety and and stubborn resolve, the last of which still lingers on, have been truly beautiful. Sigh, time has indeed sprinted so fast ahead I cannot imagine I am gonna turn twenty-one soon.

Since looking back to childhood would result in a 500 page long blog, I would settle with a glimpse into the last six weeks (or seven, for those Orientation addict) marking the first half of Semester 1. The Recess Week, which is ongoing now, has afford me the time and tranquility to review the opportunities, obstacles and actions that have gone by, to evaluate the things I have succeeded in doing and those which I failed, and to sum up my ever changing feelings about life here.

First up is the ever persistent cough that has been tormenting me for three weeks straight. It started with an innocent attempt to put a slice of piping hot stingray into my mouth. Not more than three days after that, worrying signs began to show. The shallow cough whenever I run out of water to drink, the tingling sensation of the throat whenever I walk into the air-conditioned room and the inability to mouth out more than ten words before my throat starts hacking madly at me. I have taken antibiotics, lozenges, anti-inflammatory drugs and cough mixture but they did little to avail me of such physical agony. For now, I try to limit myself from talking and singing apart from taking care of my diet to avoid spicy, oily and cold food. In Singapore, this means soup noodle or congee every lunch. Mum told me to rinse my throat at least twice a day and to consume honey, which I did try to follow obediently. I feel better now than the worst of times in the past three weeks but I do hope to get better.

Secondly, I would like admit that the NUS Choir session is rather taxing both to the time and to the voice. At least eight hours a week has to be put aside for the formal practice sessions and this blatantly excludes self practice to execute florid passages which demands not only the right pitch, but also the right color, tone and timbre. Nonetheless, I am still happy being in there since I have gained a great deal of knowledge despite the inability of my skill to grow in pace with the increasing difficulties of our upcoming musical pieces.

With regards to academics, there is the list of modules, in descending order of favourable opinion towards the modules:

1. GE2229 (Water and The Environment) - Have I told anyone Dr Lim Han She, our dear beloved lecturer, is a passionate, funny and supportive lecturer? She would share with us not only theoretical knowledge but also those garnered out in the field. For instance, one of the practical assignments was based on a field-work research she conducted in Thailand to help us realise that geography is not a academic backwater but an active, burgeoning area of study which is deeply entangled with our environment and daily lives. Apart from that, I find her a very nice person who would not let her PhD set a cloud arrogance around her. When you need her help, she would deliver it quickly and earnestly. Having learnt a bit about Hydrology back in JC, the content of the module is pretty much a built-up on previous knowledge with more depth and slightly more breadth. This doesn't mean that i doze off in lecture because Dr Han keeps surprising us with thought provoking questions printed on the lecture assignment sheet to be printed out for every lecture. The questions are designed to encourage us to apply what we learn, to frame our answers in a systematic, thoughtful manner, and to use creativity or common sense as and when needed. Oh ya, talking so much about GE2229 has somehow reminded me that I have not collected the marked Practical 1. I do hope that the marks would not cause so much emotional casualty in me.
2. CN2121 (Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics) - Admittedly, this is no easy module but that does not stop me from investing my passion in it. I guess this is because the lecturer, Dr Jiang Jianwen has been very nice and understanding when teaching the module. His lecture notes are concise yet filled with various examples so that we are better trained at applying the concepts he has taught us. After all, Engineering is about applying equations and theories. He explains complex equations in simple terms, avoiding jargons so typical of the high academia, so that we can understand, not just memorise the main ideas of thermodynamics. Moreover, he is keen to provoke our mind with difficult questions to get us thinking hard about the assumptions underlying thermodynamics (I somehow like thought-provoking lecturer, don't I?). Lastly, he is very approachable and would entertain whatever weird question I bring forth to him.
3. XD3103 (Planet Earth) - This is a module not so well known among the undergraduates primarily because it is a recent addition to the geography course to emphasise more on geology. It is divided unequal into the physics (25%), chemistry (25%) and geography (50%) portions and each is taught by different lecturers. The physics lecturer is rather enthusiastic but I can't stop myself from dozing off when he starts talking. There are both old (Newtonian physics) and new things (Birth of Solar System, Planetary geology and atmospheric environment) that I see in his lecture. As for the chemistry portion, there is a mix-up in the NUS timetable system such that the Geography lecturer has to cover two out of three lectures which ought to be taught by the Chemistry lecturer. The concepts such as atoms, elements and bondings are rather "elementary", crystal systems a little more intermediate and the different classes of silicate and non-silicate minerals rather new to me. The geography part of the module will only commence after recess week.
4. CM1501 (Organic Chemistry for Engineers) - If you think it is a recap of JC Chemistry, think again. A whole new array of jargons such as Sn1 and Sn 2 mechanism, anti-periplanar, hyperconjugation and 1,3-diaxial interactions are out there to surprise you. However, the module provides explanations on the chemical reactions we often take for granted back in JC so pure memorising work, which I hate so deeply, is less.
5. CN2122 (Fluid Mechanics) - I don't really have much affinity to this module. The lecture notes are more like exam cheat sheets than an illustration to better comprehend what is going about. It is so succinct that if you miss a lecture, you will be looking helplessly at all the Greek symbols not knowing that they imply. Attempts to clarify things with the lecture are often unpleasant and may lead to further dangling up of the neuron dendrites.

Phew, I am little tired too write anymore so can we save it for next time?

Of Activities and Anticipation

A bare two weeks into the first semester have seen a flurry of activities. From Malaysian night planning (which has yet been finalised) to the Hall AGM to the repeated frustration of not being able to purchase my Geography textbook as well as the Chemistry solution manual, I have yet been able to convince myself that I am prepared for the new semester.

Anyway, I went for the NUS Choir audition, for which I thought I did badly. It was divided into two parts, the vocal audition followed by the interview with the President and Vice-President of the society. For that night alone (of the three nights of audition), about 42 people turned up resulting in an hour wait for the audition. I guessed that paid off quite well since I got into Soprano 2, the role for which I hope to do well given the thin-ness of my voice.

In addition to that, there is this headache about the Hall activities selection, about which I have yet given a serious thought. With MMs, whom I know as casual friends, persuading me to join their activities, I cannnot help but be guilt-ridden for not answering their pleas. Problem is, I am afraid that the time constraints would only allow me to join 2 (or 3, with cut-throat strict scheduling) activities in Hall. Xian Ling said that there are insufficient sopranos in Raffles Choir (I really miss Yi Hui and her loud voice for that) and John, my dear neighbour, is tugging me to get in RH Editorial. This is not to mention that Jerome has put down my name as a member of Pheonix (for which I must say I consented quite some time ago) and that NUS Choir is practicing twice a week!

Nonetheless, my wait for Mum to come to Singapore had finally been rewarded when I saw her two days before, with her signature smile, and her almost reflexive comment about my hair (thank god she said it looked neat!). Anyway, she will be going back this evening and it will only be until after Christmas when I could finally see her again. Sigh...

General Biology

Just got my LSM1301 General Biology results on the 13th of this month. The result was supposed to be out at 3pm and there I was staring point blank at the computer at 2.58pm. Not that I was very kiasu but the anxiety was so great that I could not have a proper sleep the night before. The reason was this: I did not do so well for my practical assignments, having scored below average for 2 of the 7 assignments. It was a dreadful feeling especially when one reads the review about the module and observes the fundamentally the same comments over and over again, which is best summarised in the following quote:

Most people get full marks or close to full marks for lab assignments, so doublecheck your work to ensure that you did not make any careless mistakes (due to bell curve, even half a mark can make a fair bit of difference).

When the clock striked three, I punched in my username and password, logged into the online result portal, only to be surprised by an "A+" printed neatly to the right of the module name. Frankly speaking, I couldn't help but be animated significantly by such revelation. It took me a bare fifteen minutes to succumb to the urge of calling mum and telling her my result (since it is one module). It did not do much to lift my CAP by a triffle but I am happy that at least the $954 dollars did not go into waste.

Enough with all the joy and back to a down-to-earth reflection on taking a module during a special semester. Undeniably, it is a six-week sprint from going to the first lecture to sitting in the examination hall so much so that the I had to increase my learning pace by a significant factor. The classroom size, at about 50, is small, which perhaps explains the more interactive teaching-learning experience. The lecturers are certainly more engaging than any whom I have had in the last two semesters. The labs are also very interesting since I have the opportunity of examining mutant flies, staring at my own cheek cells, extracting and keeping my DNA, engaging in a dispassionate activity of exploding plant cells and bringing back a beer bottle (which I have not sipped).

At the same time, I had float stuffs for which I must be grateful to Jasvind for allowing me to juggle between the two activities. I do learn a lot from float, make invaluable friends, but I should not deceive myself into saying that I love float a lot. I guess different people have different affinities to things.

Anyway, today marks the end of the first week of school. I have several things in my head that, I hope, would work out through the course of this semester. Then again, nothing is certain so I should not put my hopes too high. I have a feeling that the last year has seen slacking a bit so this year should be a time I rev up my engine and concentrate on doing what I have decided to do, whether I like it (Geoscience minor!!!!) or not (Chem Eng....).

"Minor" Madness No More

Much to my surprise, I got the reply regarding the Minor in Geosciences issue way ahead of the expected time. Here is how it goes:

Dear Yee Wee,

Despite people being on leave in FoS, they have quickly dealt with my enquiry and I can now advise you about LSM modules.

The Department of Biological Sciences advised that: “two modules, LSM1301 and LSM1401, are relatively different;

- the earlier being broad-based, but less in-depth, covering all the main tenets of Biological Sciences – from cell biology, biochemistry of bio-molecules, genetic principles, evolution by natural selection, ecological processes, organization of living organism/physiology and the concept of homeostasis,

- while the later focusing more in-depth into the biochemistry of bio-molecules only, but includes the cellular processes and their industrial and commercial applications (as required by Chemical Engineering and Chemistry students).”

The Department also feels that LSM1401 is not as appropriate for the foundation module for Geosciences as LSM1301 and therefore do not want to change the rules on which modules can count. However, there is some good news:

“The preclusion between LSM1401 and LSM1301, this is no longer in place as of November 2008.” This means that the information you received from your department about not being able to take LSM1301 if you have already done LSM1401 is no longer valid (DBS will be informing the relevant person in Chem Eng about this). Therefore, you should not encounter any problem taking LSM1301 in the special semester, and this would not be in contradiction to any policy.

I hope this clarifies the situation and that you can now proceed to do LSM1301 as planned. I hope you can match your excellent performance in LSM1401!

So I guess there is nothing better to do than to take LSM1401 in the Special Semester so that I am not so brain dead during the hols.

A "Minor" Madness

Time for me to sharpen my "auntie" skill of complaining has arrived at last given the multitude of events that have happened quite recently.

It all started out this way. As a Physical Geography addict, it is impossible for me to ignore the new Minor of Geosciences that is jointly offered by the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences and the Faculty of Science. So, about three months ago, I went about the university website doing a fair share of research regarding the minor of interest.

As part of the minor requirement, I am supposed to take a Foundation Science module from a list of selected modules. One of them happens to be LSM1301 General Biology, where you are able to extract your own DNA or make your own kimchi in the lab practical.

Anyway, I happened to notice that there is a great deal of similarities between this module and LSM1401 Fundamentals of Biochemistry in term of subject content. I had taken LSM1401 in the first semester of study in NUS. In some of the lecture notes, the lecture slides used are exactly the same. Unfortunately, LSM1401 is not listed as a Foundation Science module for the Minor in Geosciences.

Therefore, I emailed the Department of Geography, explaining to them that I have taken LSM1401, which is quite similar to LSM1301, and asking whether I could use it to substitute for LSM1301. That way, I don't have to spend extra time reading about the same thing, if not simpler, but under a different module code. Nevertheless, my regret was rejected.

Well, there was no hard feeling then. I thought to myself that I could take the module in the upcoming Special Semester during the holidays in June (Honestly, long holidays with nothing to do is a killer). So, I went on happily signing up for the Special Semester to undertake LSM1301.

Then, something out of the blue just happened two days back. For no reason, I was surfing the Chemical Engineering website (I don't even know why I did it ... must be boredom) when i say this in bright red :

*Students who have read LSM1401 cannot read LSM1301 subsequently. LSM1301 and LSM1401 cannot be read simultaneously in the same semester.

I am screwed, I told myself. I sent a two-page email each to the Department of Biological Sciences and Department of Geography in a desperation for help. On the next day, I had to call my home department (Chemical Engineering) regarding the matter. Basically, the prohibition boils down to this: if you read LSM1401, LSM1301 should be chicken feet and to avoid an easy A for students(which is what Chemical Engineering department is good at doing), LSM1301 cannot be taken after or with LSM1401.

Anyway, the guy at the Department of Chemical Engineering suggested that I should double-count LSM1401 to meet my major and minor required. Well, in order for this to happen, my request for LSM1401 to be considered as a Foundation Science module has to be approved first. That guy is nice enough to help me out in this matter but he says there is no guarantee.

A lecturer from the Geog Department emailed me regarding the issue at hand and said my "request is reasonable". Nonetheless, he had to discuss this with the relevant personnels from the Faculty of Science and Department of Biological Sciences. Problem is, they are on leave, so I am only able to get reply "later this month".

Basically, the entire picture can be summed up to this: I am caught in a BIG, BIG quagmire. I have only until the 28th of June to drop my module without a grade penalty and fee payable. I am literally at the mercy of the timing of their reply. Any later, I will be in deep shit.

Well, there is nothing much I can do. A tormentous wait is before me...

The Tongue

Buddha onces quoted,"The tongue is like a sharp knife. Kills without drawing blood." Yesterday, over dinner to be exact, I had a close encounter with how the human tongue can be so potent a poison that it threatens to shatter a friendship long forged for the past three years.

To be succinct, an accident such as that could have started as an innocent conversation about future career plan. As far as I am concerned, it is okay. Well, until one starts comparing professions and puts another's future career to such a low social standing. I guess it is like someone saying to Buddha,"You know what, the chanting of your sutras suits monkeys betterthan us humans". Well, I am not insinuating that the victim is a Buddha, but it just hurts to hear someone expressing the impression that your future profession, one which you are studying for, is a second-rate job.

Forget the hoo-haa about the freedom of expression and speech. Sometimes, we don't mean what we say but once it leaves the mouth it cannot be taken back. Words can heal as much as they can stab. Ultimately, we are masters of our words until they are set loose onto the audible world, reverberating through the air as sound waves before reaching the ears of others to be interpreted.

When it comes to friends, there should not be any need to compare status, intelligence, and prestige. Friendship can be forged between a billionaire and a beggar as long as they have the common dedication to do so. Friends are supposed to be equal, so that there should not be advantage of one party over the other. For that to happen, one has to take care of what he or she says to the other friend because...... well, I should not repeat Buddha's advice on the human tongue. Even if such words are but a slight breeze dislodging the otherwise perfect curve of our front hair fringe, they may be earthquake that destroys the hope, self-esteem and identity of the victim. I guess it is appropriate to ask for forgiveness with the most sincerest of heart and God willing, be forgiven. I am no moral guru but repentence is better than ignorance at any rate (Bah, "ignorance is bliss" is so self-beguiling!).

The incident has set me thinking about myself. I have this impossible-to-shut mouth which diligence of spluttering out words is on par with the ants collecting seeds before winter. Some of the words I have meant to say bears no ill will but I cannot stop others from intepreting the otherwise, if they wish to. Lesson learnt: I should take care with my tongue.

Over-achieving

Sigh, it has been eternity since I have made an effort to write something about anything.

Really dunno what to talk about. Well actually, there is one thing that has been irritating me for quite some time ( a long time actually).

Remember how, back in primary school, it is reasonably easy to do well in the exams? Then it gets tougher as you progresses up the academic ladder until university.

Well, that is quite obvious but then again, I am simply irritated by the fact that as the paper gets harder, it is easier to commit a careless mistake and when this careless mistake is carried on through the working of an especially long paper, it results in an unwanted cascade of losing marks and still more marks.

Then, there is this stress due to the lacking in time. I used to remember that back in secondary 3, I could finish the math paper in half the time, and check through my workings twice over. Nowadays, the time given for the exam is graceless i.e. no provision is given to re-check the answers so that ad-hoc corrections can be made.

Last but not least, as I grow older, I find it harder to make peace with a lousy paper to the extent of berating myself about the inherent carelessness and why I cannot do better than others. Then again, I am playing in a bigger field, with competitors of astounding qualities. After that, I smack myself (figuratively) for catching the "kiasu" flu. 

Man, I needa stop being an over-achiever. It is just that I feel it would not do me enough justice if I do poorly for a paper when the questions are doable. It is like I fail to achieve my potential due to leaving out some key answers or plain old carelessness.

Am I turning into a "kiasu" human whose obsession for perfection is insatiable? The question somehow harks back to my sec 3 years when I had to submit a scrapbook on history. I remembered how I could not stand even a single cancellation pen mark, a single word that was spaced too closely to another word, a small crumpling of the paper that when any of these happen, I would simply rewrite the whole page on a new piece of paper. I think I killed a few trees just writing for a supposed 15 page work.

Back then, the perfectionist symptom was rather physical. I remembered how Mum told me that there was no point being a perfectionist. Somehow, flaw would find its way into our life, regardless of whether it is subtle or overt. She told me to accept life with its scratchy surface and to live with it as though it was part of me, pulsing and breathing along with every action I took. She said, if life is perfect, we would all be chickens as we would not need to have courage to face the calamities of life. It is this ability to stand up front with our failure, to be bigger than it, and to say,"No big deal. I can start all over again," that is the epitome of our struggle to be the masters of our desires and emotions. We can therefore be independent of our environment and the expectations of others. We become our own compass of our ship of life, guiding true against the torrential cascade of rapids, the treacherous rocks, and the devils of the deep blue sea.

Now, in university, I still find it very hard to swallow her advices. Perhaps, it is my ego that gets into the way. I start thinking to myself. Do I need to have expectation for my hard work? Do I indulge in the debilitating need to compete and compare? Do I need success to define me? Am I so encumbered by failures that I cannot redeem myself of such unforgivable "sins"? If the answers to these questions are yes, who am I then but a slave to my toils and expectations?

Phew, super relieved after crapping out these stuffs verbally. 

Ambition or Passion?

The commencement of a new semester bears many subtle meanings. It has struck most of us with the reality of how we fare academically in the university through the recent release of Semester 1 examination results. It also brings the message of hope as we buckle up and strengthen our resolve to prove ourselves a better stock than what we were in the preceding semester.

The transition between semester is at best, filled with a gnawing temptation, for a person like me. Scrolling through the undergraduate website about special programmes, it is difficult for me to ignore the sight of headings such as "Double Degree, Chemical Sciences Programme, Joint Degree" and other prospective grand orchestrations of how a student can distinguish himself from the cohort of plebeian peers. Truth to be said, I am not the creme de la creme of the batch since a flawless cap of 5 is evidently beyond reach of my relatively meager academic results. Nonetheless, I cannot deny these temptations the opportunity to work outworldly dreams of career success, big money and fame in my mind - all in the name of ambition.

In my personal opinion, a long stay in Singapore changes a person into a highly practical, success-oriented person. Perhaps this has taken a toll on me by veering my thoughts away from what has been my passion since i was a boy - to see how the waves pound upon the sand and carve the beach with the aid of the wind, to smell the air and reckon when rain would fall, to dig deep into the soil and see how it changes hue from brown to orange in a top-down manner, and to do all sorts of other things in adoration of the Earth. In NUS, there is an opportunity to further such passion of mine as I am able to enroll in the open-for-all Physical Geography minor programme. Attached to that is an intuition that there is little commercial value in the programme in the capitalistic, urban Singaporean context. The only value of the minor programme is learning for the sake of passion.

Perhaps, learning for the sake of passion alone is worth more than the opportunities to work in top notch companies, to earn a lion share of wealth, to zip around the world in business class jet, and to stay in exquisite suites (some of which my sister has already done, haha! i have no idea how come she is so expensive nowadays). It is like cultivating the dreams of childhood rather than extinguishing them in the face of adult hypocrisy. It is like letting a rose bloom in the middle of a sparse, lifeless desert. And it is to continue a strong tradition of intellectual endeavour, a reminder that the comfort of our world has its root in knowledge and the audacity of man to capture it in his thoughts.

Perhaps I should honour my passion rather than my ambition...