Of Activities and Anticipation

A bare two weeks into the first semester have seen a flurry of activities. From Malaysian night planning (which has yet been finalised) to the Hall AGM to the repeated frustration of not being able to purchase my Geography textbook as well as the Chemistry solution manual, I have yet been able to convince myself that I am prepared for the new semester.

Anyway, I went for the NUS Choir audition, for which I thought I did badly. It was divided into two parts, the vocal audition followed by the interview with the President and Vice-President of the society. For that night alone (of the three nights of audition), about 42 people turned up resulting in an hour wait for the audition. I guessed that paid off quite well since I got into Soprano 2, the role for which I hope to do well given the thin-ness of my voice.

In addition to that, there is this headache about the Hall activities selection, about which I have yet given a serious thought. With MMs, whom I know as casual friends, persuading me to join their activities, I cannnot help but be guilt-ridden for not answering their pleas. Problem is, I am afraid that the time constraints would only allow me to join 2 (or 3, with cut-throat strict scheduling) activities in Hall. Xian Ling said that there are insufficient sopranos in Raffles Choir (I really miss Yi Hui and her loud voice for that) and John, my dear neighbour, is tugging me to get in RH Editorial. This is not to mention that Jerome has put down my name as a member of Pheonix (for which I must say I consented quite some time ago) and that NUS Choir is practicing twice a week!

Nonetheless, my wait for Mum to come to Singapore had finally been rewarded when I saw her two days before, with her signature smile, and her almost reflexive comment about my hair (thank god she said it looked neat!). Anyway, she will be going back this evening and it will only be until after Christmas when I could finally see her again. Sigh...

General Biology

Just got my LSM1301 General Biology results on the 13th of this month. The result was supposed to be out at 3pm and there I was staring point blank at the computer at 2.58pm. Not that I was very kiasu but the anxiety was so great that I could not have a proper sleep the night before. The reason was this: I did not do so well for my practical assignments, having scored below average for 2 of the 7 assignments. It was a dreadful feeling especially when one reads the review about the module and observes the fundamentally the same comments over and over again, which is best summarised in the following quote:

Most people get full marks or close to full marks for lab assignments, so doublecheck your work to ensure that you did not make any careless mistakes (due to bell curve, even half a mark can make a fair bit of difference).

When the clock striked three, I punched in my username and password, logged into the online result portal, only to be surprised by an "A+" printed neatly to the right of the module name. Frankly speaking, I couldn't help but be animated significantly by such revelation. It took me a bare fifteen minutes to succumb to the urge of calling mum and telling her my result (since it is one module). It did not do much to lift my CAP by a triffle but I am happy that at least the $954 dollars did not go into waste.

Enough with all the joy and back to a down-to-earth reflection on taking a module during a special semester. Undeniably, it is a six-week sprint from going to the first lecture to sitting in the examination hall so much so that the I had to increase my learning pace by a significant factor. The classroom size, at about 50, is small, which perhaps explains the more interactive teaching-learning experience. The lecturers are certainly more engaging than any whom I have had in the last two semesters. The labs are also very interesting since I have the opportunity of examining mutant flies, staring at my own cheek cells, extracting and keeping my DNA, engaging in a dispassionate activity of exploding plant cells and bringing back a beer bottle (which I have not sipped).

At the same time, I had float stuffs for which I must be grateful to Jasvind for allowing me to juggle between the two activities. I do learn a lot from float, make invaluable friends, but I should not deceive myself into saying that I love float a lot. I guess different people have different affinities to things.

Anyway, today marks the end of the first week of school. I have several things in my head that, I hope, would work out through the course of this semester. Then again, nothing is certain so I should not put my hopes too high. I have a feeling that the last year has seen slacking a bit so this year should be a time I rev up my engine and concentrate on doing what I have decided to do, whether I like it (Geoscience minor!!!!) or not (Chem Eng....).

"Minor" Madness No More

Much to my surprise, I got the reply regarding the Minor in Geosciences issue way ahead of the expected time. Here is how it goes:

Dear Yee Wee,

Despite people being on leave in FoS, they have quickly dealt with my enquiry and I can now advise you about LSM modules.

The Department of Biological Sciences advised that: “two modules, LSM1301 and LSM1401, are relatively different;

- the earlier being broad-based, but less in-depth, covering all the main tenets of Biological Sciences – from cell biology, biochemistry of bio-molecules, genetic principles, evolution by natural selection, ecological processes, organization of living organism/physiology and the concept of homeostasis,

- while the later focusing more in-depth into the biochemistry of bio-molecules only, but includes the cellular processes and their industrial and commercial applications (as required by Chemical Engineering and Chemistry students).”

The Department also feels that LSM1401 is not as appropriate for the foundation module for Geosciences as LSM1301 and therefore do not want to change the rules on which modules can count. However, there is some good news:

“The preclusion between LSM1401 and LSM1301, this is no longer in place as of November 2008.” This means that the information you received from your department about not being able to take LSM1301 if you have already done LSM1401 is no longer valid (DBS will be informing the relevant person in Chem Eng about this). Therefore, you should not encounter any problem taking LSM1301 in the special semester, and this would not be in contradiction to any policy.

I hope this clarifies the situation and that you can now proceed to do LSM1301 as planned. I hope you can match your excellent performance in LSM1401!

So I guess there is nothing better to do than to take LSM1401 in the Special Semester so that I am not so brain dead during the hols.

A "Minor" Madness

Time for me to sharpen my "auntie" skill of complaining has arrived at last given the multitude of events that have happened quite recently.

It all started out this way. As a Physical Geography addict, it is impossible for me to ignore the new Minor of Geosciences that is jointly offered by the Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences and the Faculty of Science. So, about three months ago, I went about the university website doing a fair share of research regarding the minor of interest.

As part of the minor requirement, I am supposed to take a Foundation Science module from a list of selected modules. One of them happens to be LSM1301 General Biology, where you are able to extract your own DNA or make your own kimchi in the lab practical.

Anyway, I happened to notice that there is a great deal of similarities between this module and LSM1401 Fundamentals of Biochemistry in term of subject content. I had taken LSM1401 in the first semester of study in NUS. In some of the lecture notes, the lecture slides used are exactly the same. Unfortunately, LSM1401 is not listed as a Foundation Science module for the Minor in Geosciences.

Therefore, I emailed the Department of Geography, explaining to them that I have taken LSM1401, which is quite similar to LSM1301, and asking whether I could use it to substitute for LSM1301. That way, I don't have to spend extra time reading about the same thing, if not simpler, but under a different module code. Nevertheless, my regret was rejected.

Well, there was no hard feeling then. I thought to myself that I could take the module in the upcoming Special Semester during the holidays in June (Honestly, long holidays with nothing to do is a killer). So, I went on happily signing up for the Special Semester to undertake LSM1301.

Then, something out of the blue just happened two days back. For no reason, I was surfing the Chemical Engineering website (I don't even know why I did it ... must be boredom) when i say this in bright red :

*Students who have read LSM1401 cannot read LSM1301 subsequently. LSM1301 and LSM1401 cannot be read simultaneously in the same semester.

I am screwed, I told myself. I sent a two-page email each to the Department of Biological Sciences and Department of Geography in a desperation for help. On the next day, I had to call my home department (Chemical Engineering) regarding the matter. Basically, the prohibition boils down to this: if you read LSM1401, LSM1301 should be chicken feet and to avoid an easy A for students(which is what Chemical Engineering department is good at doing), LSM1301 cannot be taken after or with LSM1401.

Anyway, the guy at the Department of Chemical Engineering suggested that I should double-count LSM1401 to meet my major and minor required. Well, in order for this to happen, my request for LSM1401 to be considered as a Foundation Science module has to be approved first. That guy is nice enough to help me out in this matter but he says there is no guarantee.

A lecturer from the Geog Department emailed me regarding the issue at hand and said my "request is reasonable". Nonetheless, he had to discuss this with the relevant personnels from the Faculty of Science and Department of Biological Sciences. Problem is, they are on leave, so I am only able to get reply "later this month".

Basically, the entire picture can be summed up to this: I am caught in a BIG, BIG quagmire. I have only until the 28th of June to drop my module without a grade penalty and fee payable. I am literally at the mercy of the timing of their reply. Any later, I will be in deep shit.

Well, there is nothing much I can do. A tormentous wait is before me...

The Tongue

Buddha onces quoted,"The tongue is like a sharp knife. Kills without drawing blood." Yesterday, over dinner to be exact, I had a close encounter with how the human tongue can be so potent a poison that it threatens to shatter a friendship long forged for the past three years.

To be succinct, an accident such as that could have started as an innocent conversation about future career plan. As far as I am concerned, it is okay. Well, until one starts comparing professions and puts another's future career to such a low social standing. I guess it is like someone saying to Buddha,"You know what, the chanting of your sutras suits monkeys betterthan us humans". Well, I am not insinuating that the victim is a Buddha, but it just hurts to hear someone expressing the impression that your future profession, one which you are studying for, is a second-rate job.

Forget the hoo-haa about the freedom of expression and speech. Sometimes, we don't mean what we say but once it leaves the mouth it cannot be taken back. Words can heal as much as they can stab. Ultimately, we are masters of our words until they are set loose onto the audible world, reverberating through the air as sound waves before reaching the ears of others to be interpreted.

When it comes to friends, there should not be any need to compare status, intelligence, and prestige. Friendship can be forged between a billionaire and a beggar as long as they have the common dedication to do so. Friends are supposed to be equal, so that there should not be advantage of one party over the other. For that to happen, one has to take care of what he or she says to the other friend because...... well, I should not repeat Buddha's advice on the human tongue. Even if such words are but a slight breeze dislodging the otherwise perfect curve of our front hair fringe, they may be earthquake that destroys the hope, self-esteem and identity of the victim. I guess it is appropriate to ask for forgiveness with the most sincerest of heart and God willing, be forgiven. I am no moral guru but repentence is better than ignorance at any rate (Bah, "ignorance is bliss" is so self-beguiling!).

The incident has set me thinking about myself. I have this impossible-to-shut mouth which diligence of spluttering out words is on par with the ants collecting seeds before winter. Some of the words I have meant to say bears no ill will but I cannot stop others from intepreting the otherwise, if they wish to. Lesson learnt: I should take care with my tongue.

Over-achieving

Sigh, it has been eternity since I have made an effort to write something about anything.

Really dunno what to talk about. Well actually, there is one thing that has been irritating me for quite some time ( a long time actually).

Remember how, back in primary school, it is reasonably easy to do well in the exams? Then it gets tougher as you progresses up the academic ladder until university.

Well, that is quite obvious but then again, I am simply irritated by the fact that as the paper gets harder, it is easier to commit a careless mistake and when this careless mistake is carried on through the working of an especially long paper, it results in an unwanted cascade of losing marks and still more marks.

Then, there is this stress due to the lacking in time. I used to remember that back in secondary 3, I could finish the math paper in half the time, and check through my workings twice over. Nowadays, the time given for the exam is graceless i.e. no provision is given to re-check the answers so that ad-hoc corrections can be made.

Last but not least, as I grow older, I find it harder to make peace with a lousy paper to the extent of berating myself about the inherent carelessness and why I cannot do better than others. Then again, I am playing in a bigger field, with competitors of astounding qualities. After that, I smack myself (figuratively) for catching the "kiasu" flu. 

Man, I needa stop being an over-achiever. It is just that I feel it would not do me enough justice if I do poorly for a paper when the questions are doable. It is like I fail to achieve my potential due to leaving out some key answers or plain old carelessness.

Am I turning into a "kiasu" human whose obsession for perfection is insatiable? The question somehow harks back to my sec 3 years when I had to submit a scrapbook on history. I remembered how I could not stand even a single cancellation pen mark, a single word that was spaced too closely to another word, a small crumpling of the paper that when any of these happen, I would simply rewrite the whole page on a new piece of paper. I think I killed a few trees just writing for a supposed 15 page work.

Back then, the perfectionist symptom was rather physical. I remembered how Mum told me that there was no point being a perfectionist. Somehow, flaw would find its way into our life, regardless of whether it is subtle or overt. She told me to accept life with its scratchy surface and to live with it as though it was part of me, pulsing and breathing along with every action I took. She said, if life is perfect, we would all be chickens as we would not need to have courage to face the calamities of life. It is this ability to stand up front with our failure, to be bigger than it, and to say,"No big deal. I can start all over again," that is the epitome of our struggle to be the masters of our desires and emotions. We can therefore be independent of our environment and the expectations of others. We become our own compass of our ship of life, guiding true against the torrential cascade of rapids, the treacherous rocks, and the devils of the deep blue sea.

Now, in university, I still find it very hard to swallow her advices. Perhaps, it is my ego that gets into the way. I start thinking to myself. Do I need to have expectation for my hard work? Do I indulge in the debilitating need to compete and compare? Do I need success to define me? Am I so encumbered by failures that I cannot redeem myself of such unforgivable "sins"? If the answers to these questions are yes, who am I then but a slave to my toils and expectations?

Phew, super relieved after crapping out these stuffs verbally. 

Ambition or Passion?

The commencement of a new semester bears many subtle meanings. It has struck most of us with the reality of how we fare academically in the university through the recent release of Semester 1 examination results. It also brings the message of hope as we buckle up and strengthen our resolve to prove ourselves a better stock than what we were in the preceding semester.

The transition between semester is at best, filled with a gnawing temptation, for a person like me. Scrolling through the undergraduate website about special programmes, it is difficult for me to ignore the sight of headings such as "Double Degree, Chemical Sciences Programme, Joint Degree" and other prospective grand orchestrations of how a student can distinguish himself from the cohort of plebeian peers. Truth to be said, I am not the creme de la creme of the batch since a flawless cap of 5 is evidently beyond reach of my relatively meager academic results. Nonetheless, I cannot deny these temptations the opportunity to work outworldly dreams of career success, big money and fame in my mind - all in the name of ambition.

In my personal opinion, a long stay in Singapore changes a person into a highly practical, success-oriented person. Perhaps this has taken a toll on me by veering my thoughts away from what has been my passion since i was a boy - to see how the waves pound upon the sand and carve the beach with the aid of the wind, to smell the air and reckon when rain would fall, to dig deep into the soil and see how it changes hue from brown to orange in a top-down manner, and to do all sorts of other things in adoration of the Earth. In NUS, there is an opportunity to further such passion of mine as I am able to enroll in the open-for-all Physical Geography minor programme. Attached to that is an intuition that there is little commercial value in the programme in the capitalistic, urban Singaporean context. The only value of the minor programme is learning for the sake of passion.

Perhaps, learning for the sake of passion alone is worth more than the opportunities to work in top notch companies, to earn a lion share of wealth, to zip around the world in business class jet, and to stay in exquisite suites (some of which my sister has already done, haha! i have no idea how come she is so expensive nowadays). It is like cultivating the dreams of childhood rather than extinguishing them in the face of adult hypocrisy. It is like letting a rose bloom in the middle of a sparse, lifeless desert. And it is to continue a strong tradition of intellectual endeavour, a reminder that the comfort of our world has its root in knowledge and the audacity of man to capture it in his thoughts.

Perhaps I should honour my passion rather than my ambition...